The People of Peopleland
For generations the people of Peopleland had been happy in their beautiful country. It was a peaceful country – crime was low, the standard of living was high, and they had everything they needed – lots of water, land and resources.
The people of Peopleland were sensible, very sensible and a little bit boring. They liked to keep themselves to themselves, but would be the first to help others if they were in need. Peopleland was a good country, everyone liked them and their societal model was the envy of every other nation.
The problem was that people of Peopleland had a deep-seated insecurity about their identity; they worried a lot about what other people thought of them. Their international reputation was the most important thing to them; they guarded it night and day and celebrated it at every opportunity, but this insecurity was about to get them into a lot of trouble.
They were ruled over by a grey man called Brian, ‘Brian the Boring’ as he was known, who came from a long line of leaders, all called Brian and all very boring. Brian was as sensible and boring as his name suggests – he had weepy eyes, grey Playmobile hair and dressed like a suburban realtor, but he was sensible with money and made sure Peopleland remained safe and stable.
During the reign of Brian, the people came to believe that their society was so safe and stable that practically anyone could run it. They were also bored of being safe and grey; they wanted some excitement. They wanted a leader who reflected who they would like to be, not who their parents were.
The new leader of the opposition party was called Gaston Dubois – or ‘Gaston the Incredible’ as he was to become known; a good looking young man who spoke in a magical language and of new ideas like ‘inclusion’ and ‘diversity’. Plus he could also do cool tricks like walk on his hands and juggle jelly.
Gaston promised to make Peopleland better than good, he promised to make it awesome. He told the people that ‘diversity was strength’ and that under his rule it would become even more valuable than gold.
And so at the next election, in an attempt to make their country even better than good, the people decided to cast off their safe boring leader who could do maths, for someone who reflected their desire to be exciting and edgy.
Some voted for Gaston because he could also do cool tricks, others because he was handsome and believed that having a good-looking young leader would improve their international reputation – it was mainly the women and gays who did this.
“Gaston is our leader!” they would shout over the fence at their neighbours to the south, which made them feel superior and gave them a warm glow inside. They had a leader that was young and handsome, and full of modern ideas – what more could a people want from a leader?
Yet, despite his father, Pierre the Bastard also being leader, Gaston was not really qualified for the position and responsibilities that came with ruling a nation. Instead of studying economics at university and running his own business, Gaston had been to clown school in Montreal where he had taught kids how to light farts. Then upon graduating he was recruited by the Reptile Club based out of Davos, Switzerland to be part of their international travelling circus, Globo-Gimps.
In the early days of Gaston’s reign, the world media marvelled at this new brand of leader who looked and smelt good. He really did represent a new breed of leaders for a social media era – one based almost entirely on the dermis of a manicured image.
Gaston entertained the older more experienced world leaders at important summits with tricks he had picked up in circus school. He challenged the elderly leader of Germany to a press-up competition, and the Communist Party Chairman of China to a game of ping pong.
At home the people loved it! The royal state press in Peopleland fawned over his every antic. State media loved Gaston and he loved them back – the more money he gave them, the more nice things they wrote and said about him.
‘Has there ever been a greater leader?’ they opined as they penned endorsement after endorsement at the awesomeness of not just Gaston, but the moral superiority of Peopleland over other less advanced nations who were still trapped in outdated ideas such as family, gender and God.
‘We are truly the greatest people who have ever lived’ they scribbled daily as Gaston increased their funding yet further.
Eventually, even Gaston started to believe all the great things he paid the royal media to say about him.
‘Am I beautiful?’ He would ask them, to which they would reply ‘Sire, a beauty more beguiling dare not exist… for you are the emperor of all goodness, and beauty lays a carpet of petals before you.’
If there was one thing that Gaston liked above all else it was to dress up. He loved to dress up so much, that when he visited a foreign country they would have to hide the dressing up box. ‘Bring me the dressing up box’ he would demand. ‘Is this your national dress?’
Then he would ‘bless’ & ‘honour’ his hosts by dressing up and dancing around in their national costume for his royal media back home.
One of Gaston’s new ideas around this time was to replace People Day – the day when people came together to celebrate Peopleland – with Gay Day. He declared People Day ‘racist’ and Gay Day awesome.
He attended the first official Gay Day in the capital dressed in a tight fitting pink linen shirt, but got so carried away with all the excitement that he let go of the stroller carrying his children as he rushed to embrace a clutch of drag queens.
This act of letting go of his own children in order to embrace glorious degeneracy became such an iconic image of Gaston’s reign that he had a statue of the event built in the central square where the childless went to walk their dogs.
It also heralded the start of Gaston’s ‘Divine Ministry’ years, during which Gaston performed many secular miracles which defied all reason – he turned boys into girls, and girls into boys; he declared the religion of perpetual violence to be the religion of peace, and announced that Peopleland could spend as much money as they wanted to because… ‘the budget would balance itself.’
As time went on the miracles of public policy got more elaborate, complex and dangerous. He announced that the religion of perpetual violence and people who did not know if they were a boy or a girl would live harmoniously side by side in the utopia he was building – that they would tolerate and respect each other despite them being completely incompatible because they respected and loved him.
Gaston changed the word ‘mankind’ to ‘peoplekind’, and renamed Peopleland:
‘The Democratic Trans-Islamic Republic of Peopleland.’
The people marveled at Gaston’s ability to perform such impossibilities. Not only was he an awesome leader, but he was also a magician who could cast spells that created alternate realities that existed outside of natural law, reason or precedent. The people had never seen such magic.
These were the glory years – the peak of Gaston’s popularity and power. From here on in, the road that Gaston and his people would travel would become more difficult… and congested.
Read Original Article Here: https://aristotlesbenchpress.ca/2024/12/22/the-rise-and-fall-of-gaston-the-incredible/
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